Just Dropped In (To See What Condition My Condition Was In)

Yeah, yeah, oh-yeah, what condition my condition was in

To celebrate the additional pain being caused by my new physiotherapy program, and to rebel against the recent ruling against cannabis being used legally for the relief of chronic pain, I had a little foray into the world of herbally enhanced Cadburys Bournville Cupcakes this weekend.

I don't need to use cannabis regularly to relieve pain, nor do I think it the be-all-and-end-all to pain resolution, but it does occasionally reach places that nothing else is reaching. Getting stoned is also helpful occasionally just because I'm human and it's the early 21st century, so draw your own conclusions. It's been a crazy year so far.

I woke up this mornin' with the sundown shinin' in
I found my mind in a brown paper bag within
I tripped on a cloud and fell-a eight miles high
I tore my mind on a jagged sky
I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in

My general philosophy is where drugs like this can be cultivated in small amounts for personal use, if that use is benefical and there is a proven medical condition present, then for god's sake, it's time for the state to back out. If it works, what's the sense in persecuting people who are not a threat to society?

(Yeah, yeah, oh-yeah, what condition my condition was in)

My neck was sore. My normally good joints (left elbow, left ankle, jaw) were threatening to flare, my neck - which for some reason I just can't stop tensing when I do my new exercises - was giving me royal gip, my right knee was grizzling, and I was just feeling a little tense generally. I need to get an accountant to manage my paperwork, and people who are good at maths sort of flummox me, and I'd set myself a goal of doing this before June. And now May is deciding to end, just when I was getting the hang of it.

I pushed my soul in a deep dark hole and then I followed it in
I watched myself crawlin' out as I was a-crawlin' in
I got up so tight I couldn't unwind
I saw so much I broke my mind
I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in

As I may have said before, I don't seem to get addicted to stuff, so taking drugs doesn't seem any big hoo-ha. My codeine tolerance is usually way up, but the alternative is pain, so I'm cool with that. Opiates sit well with me. The best trip I ever had came from a large dose of morphine after bone surgery. I watched, possibly alert, as William Blake's muscular angels fought tempestous battles with evil-eyed devils on the wallpaper opposite my bed, as the nurse's bodies swelled and swayed like hot wax in lava lamps, and night and day raced around each other until 3 days later, when I was suddenly watching television and eating a delicious ham and mustard sandwich - the best I've ever tasted. You have to look at the alternatives in every situation, and in mine it was coming to terms with the fact that some doctor had just sawed off part of my shin and pinned it in little pieces under my knee. The hallucination was obviously the better way to get a bit of distance from the reality of the situation. I've not tried many other things, although I have a sneaking suspicion they would send me snooka-loopy, like a normal state Kelly Osbourne, possibly - who recently admitted in a Marie Clare interview "I don't like speed, and cocaine literally sends me fucking crazy... but I found I could hide (being on opiates) very easily." Everyone was worrying about Jack, and Kel just slipped quietly onto painkillers- as have several other top hollywood actors, making crip medication officially A list in the process.

(Yeah, yeah, oh-yeah, what condition my condition was in)

So - to the cakes. My deviant activity over the weekend amounted to eating 3 cupcakes, then watching 'The Big Lebowski' - (an excellent film and vehicle for this little interweaving ditty 'Just Dropped In (To See What Condition My Condition Was In)' by beardy Kenny Rogers). I then consumed some vastly inferior (but I ate 'em anyway...) milk chocolate maltesers - the white ones were nowhere to be found this weekend - eating some pringles - then some other things, having a little snooze, then waking up to watch a hedgehog on a nature programme go out looking for a girlfriend. At the point the hedgehog got his girl and started shagging her, I decided to go to bed before I started hallucinating (god-knows-what, Bill Oddie, probably), whereupon I put my ipod on shuffle and went to sleep, offically a criminal for the day. Woo-hoo.

Someone painted "April Fool" in big black letters on a "Dead End" sign
I had my foot on the gas as I left the road and blew out my mind
Eight miles outta Memphis and I got no spare
Eight miles straight up downtown somewhere
I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in

Woke up this morning to find I'd slept a full 12 hours, with various sites of pain lessened and improved, and a resolution not to touch the evil weed for... oh, a good few weeks. My bowels and stomach are saying "What hit me, man?"

The reason I don't take cannabis regularly is not a moral issue, nor is it an effectivness issue, as it surely does work when the painkillers aren't helping. No - the reason I don't advocate regular cannabis use for myself is the most dreaded side effect I have experienced in all my legal and illegal drug use to date - the munchies. Cannabis will turn you into a gastro-demon. Under it's dreaded influence, no food is safe, no biscuit is hidden. Cannabis makes me gorge on pringles, maltesers, ice cream, pear drops, cheese, digestive biscults, peanut butter and strawberry jam, more cheese, and ice pops. And all that binging isn't good for my arthritis.

Quid pro quo, man, quid pro quo.

I said I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in
Yeah yeah oh-yeaaah