Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Just Dropped In (To See What Condition My Condition Was In)

Yeah, yeah, oh-yeah, what condition my condition was in

To celebrate the additional pain being caused by my new physiotherapy program, and to rebel against the recent ruling against cannabis being used legally for the relief of chronic pain, I had a little foray into the world of herbally enhanced Cadburys Bournville Cupcakes this weekend.

I don't need to use cannabis regularly to relieve pain, nor do I think it the be-all-and-end-all to pain resolution, but it does occasionally reach places that nothing else is reaching. Getting stoned is also helpful occasionally just because I'm human and it's the early 21st century, so draw your own conclusions. It's been a crazy year so far.

I woke up this mornin' with the sundown shinin' in
I found my mind in a brown paper bag within
I tripped on a cloud and fell-a eight miles high
I tore my mind on a jagged sky
I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in


My general philosophy is where drugs like this can be cultivated in small amounts for personal use, if that use is benefical and there is a proven medical condition present, then for god's sake, it's time for the state to back out. If it works, what's the sense in persecuting people who are not a threat to society?

(Yeah, yeah, oh-yeah, what condition my condition was in)

My neck was sore. My normally good joints (left elbow, left ankle, jaw) were threatening to flare, my neck - which for some reason I just can't stop tensing when I do my new exercises - was giving me royal gip, my right knee was grizzling, and I was just feeling a little tense generally. I need to get an accountant to manage my paperwork, and people who are good at maths sort of flummox me, and I'd set myself a goal of doing this before June. And now May is deciding to end, just when I was getting the hang of it.

I pushed my soul in a deep dark hole and then I followed it in
I watched myself crawlin' out as I was a-crawlin' in
I got up so tight I couldn't unwind
I saw so much I broke my mind
I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in


As I may have said before, I don't seem to get addicted to stuff, so taking drugs doesn't seem any big hoo-ha. My codeine tolerance is usually way up, but the alternative is pain, so I'm cool with that. Opiates sit well with me. The best trip I ever had came from a large dose of morphine after bone surgery. I watched, possibly alert, as William Blake's muscular angels fought tempestous battles with evil-eyed devils on the wallpaper opposite my bed, as the nurse's bodies swelled and swayed like hot wax in lava lamps, and night and day raced around each other until 3 days later, when I was suddenly watching television and eating a delicious ham and mustard sandwich - the best I've ever tasted. You have to look at the alternatives in every situation, and in mine it was coming to terms with the fact that some doctor had just sawed off part of my shin and pinned it in little pieces under my knee. The hallucination was obviously the better way to get a bit of distance from the reality of the situation. I've not tried many other things, although I have a sneaking suspicion they would send me snooka-loopy, like a normal state Kelly Osbourne, possibly - who recently admitted in a Marie Clare interview "I don't like speed, and cocaine literally sends me fucking crazy... but I found I could hide (being on opiates) very easily." Everyone was worrying about Jack, and Kel just slipped quietly onto painkillers- as have several other top hollywood actors, making crip medication officially A list in the process.

(Yeah, yeah, oh-yeah, what condition my condition was in)

So - to the cakes. My deviant activity over the weekend amounted to eating 3 cupcakes, then watching 'The Big Lebowski' - (an excellent film and vehicle for this little interweaving ditty 'Just Dropped In (To See What Condition My Condition Was In)' by beardy Kenny Rogers). I then consumed some vastly inferior (but I ate 'em anyway...) milk chocolate maltesers - the white ones were nowhere to be found this weekend - eating some pringles - then some other things, having a little snooze, then waking up to watch a hedgehog on a nature programme go out looking for a girlfriend. At the point the hedgehog got his girl and started shagging her, I decided to go to bed before I started hallucinating (god-knows-what, Bill Oddie, probably), whereupon I put my ipod on shuffle and went to sleep, offically a criminal for the day. Woo-hoo.

Someone painted "April Fool" in big black letters on a "Dead End" sign
I had my foot on the gas as I left the road and blew out my mind
Eight miles outta Memphis and I got no spare
Eight miles straight up downtown somewhere
I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in


Woke up this morning to find I'd slept a full 12 hours, with various sites of pain lessened and improved, and a resolution not to touch the evil weed for... oh, a good few weeks. My bowels and stomach are saying "What hit me, man?"

The reason I don't take cannabis regularly is not a moral issue, nor is it an effectivness issue, as it surely does work when the painkillers aren't helping. No - the reason I don't advocate regular cannabis use for myself is the most dreaded side effect I have experienced in all my legal and illegal drug use to date - the munchies. Cannabis will turn you into a gastro-demon. Under it's dreaded influence, no food is safe, no biscuit is hidden. Cannabis makes me gorge on pringles, maltesers, ice cream, pear drops, cheese, digestive biscults, peanut butter and strawberry jam, more cheese, and ice pops. And all that binging isn't good for my arthritis.

Quid pro quo, man, quid pro quo.

I said I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in
Yeah yeah oh-yeaaah

27 comments:

kezzykat said...

Hi AF,

Aren't white chocolate Maltesers just out at Easter time, like limited Edition?? I hope not but fear that I have not seen em for a wee while.

And the munchies..mmmmm, yes, crappy side effect.

Had to laugh at the arse not knowing what hit hit..oh sorry bowels..I hate saying "bowels" as it reminds me of work when I have to at least TRY to be less uncouth :)
Hugs
K

audaciouslady said...

While I don't agree or support the use of marijuana, I do support the freedom of speech.

If you could write a well written article about your position I would be open to publishing it in my online magazine http://www.audacitymagazine.com

We also have a message forum and I think your thoughts are probably shared by many other people with disabilities.

Thank you for being open and honest about your situation. Not everyone can do it that way.
Nathasha

Vivian Pritchard said...

Dear Fang

A very quick note: found you via DH Kelly's blog. I've just read about a newly-diagnosed Scottish woman with 'neck dystonia' ie
spasmodic torticollis. She has EDS as well. I wondered if it might be useful for you to exchange a couple of emails to help each other with the names etc of doctors? The only way I can see to contact you is via your blog, so, sorry to interrupt your flow!

VivP
vivpritchardatntlworld.com

PS Your reference to Adrian Mole/Sue Townsend is rather nice!
PPS The reason I don't smoke cannabis any longer is because a) it permanently altered my neurotransmitters, and that's really bad news, and b) I simply can't find a reliable source any more. Never experienced Major Munchies!

Damon said...

Af is a sixties beat poet and doesn't know she is but she is (note the skilfully avoided cliche)

Timmargh said...

Hey, Fang,

Thanks for dropping by my site! Yours looks good and I'll have a proper read when I've got a bit more time - this was good post so I guess I'm in for some good reading.

I take a bit of cannabis/marajuana/whateveryouwannacallit occasionally and is hits the spot - I used to smoke it but my dad expressed his concerns at that (he's a 30-a-day man) and the missus gave up cigarettes 5 months ago, so chocolate muffins have become the way. I haven't tried anything else or been subjected to medically administered drugs other than trying speed a few times - that resulted in being awake for about 36 hours, being able to drinks loads of gin without getting drunk (or needing a whizz) and literally falling in love with anyone and everyone I spoke to. I did feel a bit achey on the way down, though.

1EightT said...

I always check the place over here ford probe

tittadigirolamo said...

I also have a blog about marijuana, not as beautiful as your, but I love marijuana the same

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Hoodia said...

Help me Dude, I think I'm lost..... I was searching for Elvis and somehow ended up in your blog, but you know I'm sure I saw him in a car lot yesterday, which is really strange because the last time I saw him was in the supermarket. No honest really, he was right there in front of me, next to the steaks singing "Love me Tender". He said to me (his lip was only slightly curled) "Boy, you need to get yourself a San Diego cosmetic surgery doctor ,to fit into those blue suede shoes of yours. But Elvis said in the Ghetto nobody can afford a San Diego plastic surgery doctor. Dude I'm All Shook Up said Elvis. I think I'll have me another cheeseburger. Then I'm gonna go round and see Michael Jackson and we're gonna watch a waaaay cool make-over show featuring some Tijuana dentists on the TV in the back of my Hummer. And then he just walked out of the supermarket singing. . . "You give me love and consolation,
You give me strength to carry on " Strange day or what? :-)

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