Thursday, July 14, 2005

Renta-Crip

Apols for the lack of posts but I am rather under the weather at the moment. Hopefully it will get a little cooler soon and the twitching will stop.

Had to go out today for physio, and on the way home as I wasn't feeling... as bad as usual, so decided to go to big retail park near my home to buy a quick something for a wedding we're going to tomorrow.

Everything went smoothly (yes!), so clutching a couple of carrier bags, handbag and keys, I made my way back to the car. Only to be stopped by this very young man and what looked like a shy new girlfriend. He offered to help me, and bless him, meant well, but do you ever get people who just try too hard and terrify you?

I strongly began to suspect it was not for my benefit anyway, but for hers. You know, the 'I help cripples' thing. He loomed over into my personal space and asked (too loudly) if I needed help putting the key in the car door (um, no - being as I was obviously on my own and had driven on my own). I declined, politely, and went on to transfer myself into the car with his offering help at every little movement "Do you want me to put that bag into the other one?" (um, no, I can do that myself...) "Do you need help getting into your car?", (no look - I'm doing it) "Do you need help with taking the steering lock off..." (no - not seeing as I was able to put it on myself) and so on, along with the more usual "Do you need help putting the chair into the car..." stuff people often say. I don't think he was trying to nick the car or my bags, I just didn't get that vibe from him.

After each offer of help, he turned round to his girlfriend with a cheesy smile - she, on the other hand, started to look a little freaked out. How can I put it nicely? Oh, whatever. The guy was seriously oily. Glinting. Even his hair was oily, dark curls slicked back with shiny gel. And - whoa! the aftershave was a bit strong. A lot strong. I think he must have been watching those Linx adverts - where the guy sprays a 20p and chucks it into a fountain, then the girl, finding it irresistible, jumps in after.

After firmly but nicely declining any more close contact with his aftershave, he draped himself over his girl and they headed off in the direction of JJB Sports. He offered. I can't complain. I smiled thanks at her and she smiled back, but looked kind of awkward - possibly not from being near me (you do get a sense when it's you after a while...) , but more like she was a bit embarrased by his overwhelming persistence.

After a few breaths of blessed unscented air I got on with loading the chair in. It was so hot I sat with the fan on for a bit before driving off. I watched the couple as they walked away. She didn't seem keen to have him put his arm round her, and did a little skip forwards, then turned to watch him as he edged closer again, obviously intent on recapturing her. Another little skip, and he actually reached out to grab her sleeve. She waggled it to shake him off. I pulled out of the parking space slowly and drove past them, at which point he'd wrapped his arms around her waist and had buried his face in her neck. We caught each other's eyes as I went by. It looked as if she had a struggle on her hands. So much was I convinced of this, that in a reckless moment I gave her a sneaky thumbs-down gesture - then instantly regretted it. She might think it was to do with the helping thing rather than the boyfriend-octopuss situation and think I was an ungrateful beatch.

But she didn't - in fact she raised her eyes in an expression of long suffering - and gave me the thumbs down right back!

I think his days are numbered...

4 comments:

Timmargh said...

Sound like fun (!)

I've had a few experiences like that usually involving drunks who suddenly decide I'm their "besht mate".

Eliza said...

I first thought that said: "shiny new girlfriend." Which is a turn of phrase I'll now have to put to use.

[This was before I got to the part where the guy was, indeed, shiny. In that sense, "shiny new girlfriend," is rather gross. But, in my original reading, where I was picturing a manly-man and his arm candy, it was awesome.]

gimpy mumpy said...

Would that be his dating bling? :)

He sounds like a drip. hehehe.

Sometimes I think our CripDar picks up on people's true personality and motivations much faster than the average joe. Beep, beep, beep (not me backing up, it's the CripDar!).

kezzykat said...

Hi AF,


my joints and all that are much worse in the heat, seem to sublux much easier and having numbness too ..I hope that you get some relief soon.

As for the lad and his bint. I hope thsat she gives him thwe big E soon, he seems a tad too 'greasey' and nauseating..

had a right ol laugh reading this though ;)

swo maybe he does have some purpose

hugs

K